Heaven on earth

This is slightly off topic but I just felt the need to write about my favourite place on earth. Two days after my divorce hearing, I packed my Gucci carry-on and set off for a solo trip to the island of the Gods. The last time I had travelled solo was when I was 10 years old en route to Belgrade. I had started my own business doing private label development for bath, body and spa treatment products hence decided to turn the 6-days trip into a productive one. The first two days I spent visiting raw materials, natural chemicals and perfume suppliers followed by a few cottage industry setups to source for unique and custom packaging for my retail range. The next couple of days, I spent going around Seminyak, Kerobokan and Jimbaran areas with Pak Ketut, my trusted guide to 'hotel inspections', part of my competitors' survey initiative. In Bali, allowing potential guests to 'inspect' the rooms is part of the sales & marketing effort that I gladly take advantage of every time I visit. Even with the high concentration of resorts and hotels on this heaven on earth, there are always new ones being built. I've always loved the quaint and low density villas with their own private pools and in Bali, one is spoilt for choices. The best thing is that you will never find two that are alike. Each is unique in terms of its architecture and interior design that it's hard not to be inspired. Everywhere I look, I'm able to find inspiration in the little details and personal touches that lend a certain character and appeal to each establishment. It is easier to find and fall in love with a resort than it is with a man here.

The benefit of travelling solo is that you do tend to meet new people and make new friends. On one of the nights, I met up with Glen, a 28-year-old who works with an oil & gas company back in Kuala Lumpur; a surfer at-heart that I met on the way over. He introduced me to the slums of Kuta where we hung out with a bunch of local surfer dudes, drinking and discussing the waves of Blue Point. Ku De Ta Bar and Restaurant have always been a favourite of mine for their sexy setup. No one could resist those cozy, all-weather sofas’ setup on the beach facing the sea although at night, one could only hear the crashing waves coming down. Seminyak area is where I would choose to stay when in Bali for the convenience of being an arm’s length from all the hip eateries, trendy restaurants, pulsating clubs and boutiques with window displays that would beckon my name.

I could never get bored with the island. If ever I run out of villas and resorts to visit, to photograph and to write about I could always find a new inspiration and write about Uluwatu again but from another perspective. Without any doubt I could see myself retiring in my old age on this heaven on earth in my own little villa and continuing what I love to do best – write. Gotta find me a man first though...

Seasoned thoroughbred vs. Young stallion

My first priority when I got back from my supplier chain network development trip to Bali was to look for a new pad to mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life. A new throne needs a new king, but to be honest I'm in no hurry. Love can't be rushed anyway and I'll be damned if I make the same mistake I've made by not giving myself options. But basic human needs have to be fulfilled in order for us to self-actualize. Mr. Maslow said so. To ensure the realization of my own self-actualization, I've decided that I'd rather take on a lover than a fuck buddy. Fuck buddies are easier to find but I'm at the stage where I need to have an emotional connection to shag someone.

I have to say that the dating pool in this city that I love is quite shallow. As it is, there is a serious lack of good men out there that you can't help but swing a Prada and hit at least five losers. To top it off, the current ratio of 1:3 of men:women doesn't help either. So what options does that leave me? In my rational analysis, there are two. Either I consider dating a married man or a single, younger one. Rationalizing the first option is easy. I live in a country that condones and legalizes polygamy so dating a married man is not considered a taboo. It is becoming a trend for our men to be married and have girlfriends on the side. But whether I would be willing to share and be content with quality time that would be far and few in between is doubtful. But if I can wrap my head around the principle that quality is better than quantity, I guess I can live with it. If I take on a cold perspective that I'd rather be the one someone is cheating with than be someone who's being cheated on, I guess it's probable. As for going younger, I have neither the time nor the patience to be teaching a young stallion how to ride. I need a thoroughbred that is already trained and knows his way around the tracks. Besides lacking in experience, younger men are also lacking the gentlemen's finesse. I'm generalizing based on experience. There are exceptions to the general assumptions of course but until I come across one, the more probable option I'm left with is quite obvious...or is it?

Heart over matter

They say that for men, life begins at 40. For us, I think it begins a decade earlier. Women in their 30s are confident, mature and comfortable in their own skin to take on the world if they choose to. We've been in love, been hurt, made mistakes so we're smarter and stronger. The best lessons are learnt through our mistakes. My mother gave me enough room to make my own. Through our mistakes we gain our independence but it also makes us scared. So here we are, independently scared of being hurt or being alone. Like many women, my heart does speak louder but I battle to suppress it every day. Along with many of my female comrades, I battle to suppress because smart people think and reason with their heads not their hearts. But I don't think we're getting it wrong in the first place. I don't think that suppression is the answer. Paul Coelho said that following one's heart will lead to one's treasure. Then why do we let our heart battle constantly with our head? As I looked back to the past 10 years of my relationship, my heart had given me enough warning bells that my knight in shining armor might have been a loser in tin foil but my head reasoned against it. My heart had told me that it was no longer worth it, but it was my head that convinced me to stick it through. Why is it that smart, sexy individuals turn into foxymorons as we stumble and make stupid decisions when it comes to the matters of the heart? Is it because we are not consistent in deciding which to listen to - the head or the heart? Could I have saved myself some years of misery and unhappiness if I had been more consistent in listening to my heart? Perhaps. Alas, although it took me longer to give in to the quest of my heart, succumbed I did. And here I am, at 35, single and ready to begin a whole new chapter in my life where my friends are my life's balance and my heart reigns supreme in my search of a new king.

Living legacies

We are living legacies of our ancestors. We might not have had the privilege to get to know our ancestors except from the stories our immediate and extended family members have told us and assumptions that we derive from heirloom pieces left; old photos and remnants from the past. We might not have the opportunity to know their beliefs, their likes and dislikes, their favorite scents. That might be a fact, but what is also an intuitive fact is that our ancestors' spirits live on - in us.

Virtually yours

Ways on how we connect have evolved with technology. From snail mail that took a week to be delivered by coach to the internet revolution and now the real-time messaging services, people around the world communicating, connecting with each other without any boundaries other than the ones we set ourselves. A connection can be felt between two people through many media; this is our advantage. Relationships can blossom without any physical connection and what is great about this type of relationship is that we get to know one another at a deeper level; that allow us to fall in love with the ‘inner’ beauty rather than mere physical perfection. It lets you see beyond physical. I have known people who have found love via cyberspace. On the downside, be careful fishing in the virtual sea because the medium allows you to not tell it like it is and often times, people don’t. You might end up falling in love with a vision that was painted rather than one that truly exists. Most of the time, it is like mining for precious stones. With a little luck and a lot of screening, it is not impossible to find a diamond amidst the sea of cocks and bullshit.

Pick-up lines never work but these do...

1. “Where have you been all my life?”
2. “We must have been married in another life.” This is a favorite line from the strays. You know who you are… :)
3. “You’re the best package ever!”
4. “Fuck, baby…!” (subject to your own interpretation)
5. “I think about you all the fucking time!”
6. “You’re so smart and sexy.
7. “I’m a lucky man.” (We apparently love men who are grateful…)
8. "You turn me on."
9. And being the best, it is therefore saved for last, is “I love you,” and the variations of that. My personal favorites:
“I love your style…”
“I love the way you smell!”
“I love you for what you are and everything that you are!”

I'm the type of girl...

I'm the type of girl...
Who will fall for a guy not because of how he looks but because of how he makes her feel;
Who will listen to a love song & see his face;
Who will spend an entire day looking for love quotes;
Who will hide nothing and give everything for the one she loves.
I’m the type of girl who doesn't get over things easily;
Who will beat herself up when someone doesn't love her back;
Who will cry herself to sleep because she feels she's not good enough.
But I’m also the type of girl who's strong;
Who can look flawless and put together even though inside she's a mess;
Who will blast some sappy love song & sing at the top of her lungs cause she feels like it;
Who will be no one but herself.

Thou art shall kiss

The first key to a good kiss comes from the power of your attraction and love for someone which you obviously have. Even the most technically skilled kissers often fall short if their kiss is insincere. You are not alone in missing the Kissing 101 class, many people never got the basics of a good kiss. Kissing is more an art than an education not unlike meaningful conversation. In fact if you think of kissing as a way of communicating in ways that words can’t come close, the subtlety of good kissing technique comes clear.

Being prepared for a kiss just starts with basic oral hygiene. Kissing onion or garlic breath is an immediate detractor so brushing the teeth or breath mints can get you off to a good start. The three primary elements that turn on a kissing conversation are breath, lips and tongue. Although it seems like stating the obvious, breathe through your nose while kissing and let your slight pulling back to take a deeper breaths help slow down and connect you while you kiss. Although a racing heart and gasping for air is not uncommon during intense kissing it can be a little off putting at the beginning of the interlude.

Whether you are just giving a little peck or inviting a longer conversation with an open mouthed kiss is all about how you use your lips. Lips are covered with nerve endings and have the ability to communicate soft opening as well as firm control. Experiment with softening your lips even for a short kiss and see how that changes the dialogue. Hard kisses with tight lips can be overwhelming even in the midst of serious passion. Soft open mouth kisses invite your partner into a dialogue which is the goal. Feel for her response. Open mouthed kissing can teach you a lot about opening to relationships, about how to not force things and gives both partners the opportunity to be active participants choosing their unspoken words.

The agile tongue can speak volumes in a kiss. Unfortunately, many people think the French Kiss is as simple as basic insertion of their tongue in the mouth of their partner. Nothing can kill a kissing mood like a sloppy tongue in the midst of a tentative open mouth kissing conversation. Consider the tongue like a diplomat, and just like in a good conversation, use the tongue judiciously to communicate interest, curiosity and intrigue. A light tongue tracing the lips, quick darting meeting of tongues in the center of open lips is incredibly exciting and will open the conversation to new levels.

Discovering the art of kissing takes time. The patient kisser has the time to experiment and demonstrate their sensitivity and understanding. Rushing in and trying to take control of the kiss screams amateur and pushes people away more often than pulling them in. Developing the artistic capacity to communicate without words will not only enhance the physical intimacy that you share but you will be surprised at how much safer and more open your verbal conversations will become.

The Scent of Desire

Scent is our most basic and primitive sense and our noses, more than any other sense we possess are best wired to tell us whether the person we are with is a good match. Trusting your sense of smell to pick the right partner for you is built into our biology. Physical attraction itself may literally be based on smell. We discount the importance of scent-centric communication only because it operates on such a subtle level. Although we are often oblivious to the scent signals we are sending and receiving, these subconscious messages are designed to not only help us choose a partner with whom we have the potential of creating healthy offspring, but scent compatibility also predicts relationships longevity and faithfulness in a relationship.

Our sense of smell and what attracts or repels us is blueprinted in our immunological gene structure called the MHC. Every individual has their own genetic scent makeup which is as unique as their fingerprint. What’s more, when it comes to reproduction, the healthiest progeny comes from two individuals whose MHC is most distinct and different from each other. This assures that any offspring has the widest range of immune function and therefore is the most disease resistant.

While a woman’s scent changes throughout her monthly cycle, with the strongest scent attraction during her most fertile times, there isn’t a cure for true scent incompatibility. Not being attracted and frequently repelled by someone’s smell is one of the most common reasons cited by dissatisfied partners in marriage counseling.

Don’t be discouraged, you are not alone in being confused by the wide array of colognes, body washes and deodorants that effectively disguise our base scent attractions. I have been promoting the use of true scent products that enhance your own natural chemistry for years, intuitively knowing that products made chemically are not just bad for your most sensitive tissue, but also cover up your own natural odor and may just interfere with our ability to find and smell our true mates. So take this message to heart or rather to your nose and be grateful for the biological gatekeeper that doesn’t only bring you breath, but will inform you on the most life determining relationship issues in your control.

-Extracted from an article of a similar title written by Wendy Strgar